Joke of the day

One day frank ordered a beer but needed to go to the toilet, but didn't want anyone to drink his beer. So he left a note "I spit in my beer". When he came back there was another note next to his saying, "I spit in your beer too"

Lol

Lmao

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up. "The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo! " and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that goddamn truck won't be there either! "

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly! "The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo? "No," replied the trainee. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool! "The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?! "No. " replied the CEO indignantly. "Good! " replied the trainee, and puts down the phone."

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks? Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars? Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? "It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first. "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up. "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee. "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away. "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table. "It was 'Momma Bear' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish. "And, now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma Bear' with your presence,...listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one time... "I haven't made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!! "

Lmao

That one was good lmao. Could almost picture cat saying something like that.

Lol Bryan

Yes I would sat that !

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there! " "What's the matter with you? " the husband said when the sailor climbed down. "We weren't making love. "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were. "Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there! "

Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
Jackie:
Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
Jackie: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
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Teacher: What happened to your homework?
Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron? "
Caddy: "Eventually. "